The turning point

Facing the reality of 49 years, yet still stuck at the gate, waiting for life to begin. Bound by anchors of sadness, frustration, emptiness and grief. Haunted by a sense of failure that permeates every fiber of my being. Continuously betrayed by my own emotions. Marked as damaged by those who've encountered the bristly and volatile shroud that envelopes me.

I cling desperately to a thread of hope that somehow, some way, the ever-present burden of sadness will break free and at last a glimmer of joy will burn through the darkness. Emptiness is not my destiny...disappointment and hurt should not be my legacies. Echoing deep within my soul is a whispered prayer that my moment will still arrive.

I've woven a cocoon tightly around myself...layer upon layer...until even an outline of what's inside can no longer be seen. Each thin blanket of protection and defense now suffocates and threatens my very existence.

My soul is desperate to break free - to breathe deeply and feel my wings unfurl - to let the vibrant colors of my inner being shine brilliantly in the sun.

Only I can choose whether to lie dormant deep within this stale and lifeless chamber, detached and alone, waiting to die...or to tear through the walls of this vice-like tomb layer by layer.

My heart and hands are scarred from the failures of past attempts. My reserves are depleted. I am fearful and jaded and tired.

I have become complacent in my misery. Suffering has become my identity. I stuggle to even imagine what a joy-filled future might be.

But a little voice says, "Choose joy. Don't be afraid. Open yourself up to the sheer possibilites of what might lie ahead.

It will take more faith and strength than you ever imagined but you have so much more in you than you can possibly know.

You have so much to give and so many gifts to share with the world. Don't throw them away. You have been chosen. You were given all of these special gifts because you have a destiny of greatness. Don't be afraid of them. Explore them. Play with them. Revel in them. But most importantly, share them.

Give yourself time and know that there is no hurry. Everything you want and need will arrive in it's own time - simply focus on the task at hand.

Surround yourself with love and happiness. Whenever things get overwhelming and scary, reach out in the darkness for a hand to hold onto. Around you are angels. Look for them and trust them to guide your way.

Bravely embrace your destiny, my child. Your future is filled with extraordinary things. Every moment you have endured till now has simply been setting the stage for greatness. All I ask is that you trust yourself and become all that you are meant to be. Just focus on living joyfully and filling your days with love - I'll take care of the rest."